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No Man's Land

Опубликовал: Xande, 17 Июнь 2010 · 437 Просмотров

...Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here is my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

By now there is no 2 and a half of this 3 in my life: NO romance, NO roommates and only one relative -- granma.
Only a few months ago I was happy of having noone in my place. Now I get the point: was only tired of living with girls for such a long time. Day over day, month over month, year over year. YES, I need my space, my own space but sometimes having it -- KILLS.
Only a few month ago there was smb very special for me. The one I was thinking of, caring of... Caring of too much. Now it's all over. There is noone to take care of and think of. The thing between us would be called "The game" and it's finished. Finished in a bad way. But he keeps being in my mind. Still. GOD! How strong I DO need him to hold me now. I want to feel him around and close. That person. The one who'd understand me.
Only a few months ago my granpa was alive. Everytime I was in their place and wanted him to be there for me -- he was. Always ready to listen to all I say and to support. I DO MISS these times too much now. I need him to be here for me. Just listen to me and to feel him near. Granpa...

...I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself. :weep:

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