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Разговор между Дж. Бушем и К.Райсигра слов: необходимо знание английского

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До сих пор отойти не могу  :)

Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi
picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?
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Классика!!!!  :) Видать они наших юмористов насмотрелись.
"У нас есть грузин по фамилии Авас...
- Как вас зовут?
- Авас.
- Меня Николай Степанович. А вас?
- А вас.
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    цыник и падонак

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Вот вам еще:

Enjoy the English letter from an italian man, a complain letter to a hotel in London.

Dear Signore Directore,

Now i am a -tella you story how I was a treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga Christian man at your hottella... When i comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed-how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? so I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanna shit!" They tella me "Go to toilet." I say:"No,no. I wanna shit in my bed." They say:"You better not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch!" What is a sonnawabitch?

I go down for breakfast into ristorante,I order bacon and eggs and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast, I tella waitress, and pointa of toast:" I wanna piss !" She tella me:" Do to toilet." I say:"No,no. I wanna piss on my plate!" She then say to me:" you bloody hella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch!" Second person who do not even know me calla me sonnawabitch! What is a sonnawabitch? Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress:"i wanna fock." And she tella me: " Sure, everyone wanna fork!" I tella her: No,no. you don't undderstand me. I wanna fuck on the table!"She tella me:" So you sonnawabitch wanna fuck on the table!" Get your ass out of here!"

So I go to receptions and ask for a bill I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. when i have paid the billa, the portier say to me:"Thak you, and peace on you.

I say:" Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch! I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay your hotella no more, you sonnawabitch!"

Enrico Moralli
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- Hello, are you there?
- Yes, who are you please?
- I'm Watt.
- What's your name?
- Watt's my name.
- Yes, what's your name?
- My name is John Watt.
- John what?
- Yes, are you Jones?
- No I'm Knott.
- Will you tell me your name then?
- Will Knott.
- Why not?
- My name is Knott.
- Not what?
- Not Watt, Knott.
- What?
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Кое-что еще...
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....Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 8/11/94  
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."  
....George W. Bush, Jr., 9/5/93
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."  
....Governor George W. Bush, Jr.
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И пара ссылок...
И фото...
Маленький размер: http://www.ne.jp/asa.../bush_mudak.jpg
Большой размер: http://www.epicsol.o...start_a_war.jpg
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